Do you remember the story I published in October 2023 about non-negotiables in relationships? (If you missed it, catch it again here.) This could be considered the part 2; The non-negotiables we set for ourselves with ourselves.


You may be wondering, is there much of a difference? Well, have you ever struggled with setting and achieving goals to lose weight, get healthier, stronger, more vibrant and have more energy? If so, this is where setting our standards through non-negotiables with ourselves makes all the difference.


They are not what we wish to do but rather standards we hold ourselves to because we know that if we don’t, we won’t feel good physically, mentally and even emotionally. Sure they cover the basics of self care but can also include the next level I’d call self-love.



Non-negotiables with the self can be things 

you do not do (leave outs) 

and things you do (add ins.)



Leave outs can look like this –


  • I do not overeat. (stopping at 80% full will catch that)
  • I do not eat foods (be specific) that make me sick/don’t support my body’s best health.
  • I do not drink more than ______ drinks (sugary and/or alcoholic) per day. (you set the number and stick to it)
  • I do not eat after ______ .(fill in the blank)
  • I do not spend more than ______ minutes on social media or watching TV a day.


Add ins may look like this-

  • I drink a large glass of water each morning.
  • I eat at least one fruit and one vegetable each day.
  • I am kind to myself when I slip up on my personal non-negotiables.
  • I go to bed by ______ unless it’s a very special occasion.
  • I get a massage once a month.
  • I take my water bottle with me when I leave the house.
  • I move my body in some fun way (walk, work-out, dance, yoga) for at least ______ minutes each day.


I think you’re getting the idea. In what area(s) do you need to set a standard for yourself in order to start living and feeling the way you desire? Is it with adding in or leaving out certain foods or amounts of foods? Is it in your social media consumption? Is it getting more sleep or exercise?



You don’t have to go digging far to find your non-negotiables. You know in your heart what you need to add in and leave out even if it doesn’t feel fun admitting it.


Write down your ideal non-negotiables and then pick 1–2 from the leave out and 1–2 from the add in categories. Start small and consistently practice those. Repeating them in your head is another way to reinforce them. Completely leave out vocabulary like try, hope, wish, should, could and maybe. Shift to more powerful language like I don’t and I do vs. I can’t and I won’t.



So what if you mess up and cross your own line that YOU drew?


Well it probably means you are human like the rest of us. Slips happen, however, slips aren’t a regular occurrence. If you find this happening often, you haven’t set it as a non-negotiable and you’re likely trying to fool yourself. 😒


Now, for the occasional slip ups – Here’s a good non-negotiable with your self…

I do not beat myself up for the slip ups.